LOVEMAKING TIPS FOR SENIOR SEASONALS

1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is   actually in bed with you.    

2. Set timer for 2 minutes, just in case you doze off during the act.

3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them all  off!

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you    begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand, just in case you can't remember it.

6. Keep the Polygrip close by, so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Extra-Strength Tylenol ready, just in case you  actually complete what you started.

8. Make all the noise you want. Doesn't matter. The neighbors are deaf too.

9.  If it happens, call everyone you know with the good news.

10.  Don't even think about trying it twice!

STRESS MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUE

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended by all the latest psychological journals.

The funny thing is that it really does work

and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of the gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

See? It really does work. You're smiling already!